You Can’t Have Inclusion Without Civility

I wondered if anybody else but me felt like our society is becoming more and more contentious and less civil so I Googled the word “civility” and lo and behold I see that there is a website called Civility Project. Org.   where you  are invited to take the Civility Pledge which is "I":

• Will be civil in my public discourse and behavior.
• Will be respectful of others whether or not I agree with them.
• Will stand against incivility when I see it.

The Project’s founder, Marc DeMoss and his supporters are concerned as I am that we have become a divided nation where our disagreements are no longer debated in a spirit of mutual respect and a desire for a unified vision of a better society but rather with hate and animosity for those with different views.

"Civilityproject.org is a collection of liberals and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans, blacks and whites, and people of various faith—or no faith— who agree that even in sharp disagreement we should not be disagreeable".

As I go around the country consulting on diversity and inclusion, I make a point to have my clients understand that inclusion is not about agreement but it is about first seeking to understand (Stephen Covey) and respecting other points of view.  We can and should debate the merits of different viewpoints without hateful words and behavior.  Destroying property, engaging in physical altercations and spewing profanities will certainly not solve any of our disagreements.

Incivility can be seen everywhere in society from the driver who unabashedly pulls into the space that you had been waiting for to our elected officials who seem to get worse every election season with egregious personal attacks on their opponents.

Civility and inclusion go hand in hand. If we are not able to be civil with one another we will never get to inclusion which is the espoused goal of many organizations today.  Inclusion is about creating a respectful environment that allows everyone to contribute to their full potential.  Our strength as a society lies in our diversity.  If everybody had the same opinions, we would not achieve breakthrough innovations.

I think that there are three essential ingredients for civility:

• An ability to separate the issue from the individual.  We should “attack” ideas not individuals.
• A genuine respect for all living things because we understand our inextricable mutuality. The definition of mutualism is a web of interdependent relationships benefiting each other for sustainability. Our very survival depends on us understanding and leveraging our mutual interests.
• Effective conflict resolution tools:  Most of us don’t know how to have a meaningful dialogue with those of opposing views.  First there is self awareness. What is your conflict resolution style? What is the style of those with whom you disagree?  Where are you points of mutual interest?  I think our political leaders would be well served by spending time developing more effective ways to debate and resolve issues.

I would like everyone reading this blog to sign the civility pledge and encourage others to do so. The Project invited our elected officials to sign but from what I understand very few have done so since the plea went out over a year ago.